


well I never met a woman so afraid she’d ever grow out of a girl.

by TheMostPsychotic (ymirjotunn)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, roxy and dirk are moirails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 13:51:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ymirjotunn/pseuds/TheMostPsychotic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxy and Dirk talk on the phone every night and try to keep keep each other happy. They're young. They can be excused from not doing a perfect job.</p><p>The dynamic between these two is fun to write, whoops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	well I never met a woman so afraid she’d ever grow out of a girl.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song "Today, I Feel Like I'm Evolving" by River City Extension
> 
> I guess I really like writing Roxy in moirails with Dirk? well. whoops. sorry, everyone. this is kind of awful. basically just another practice of their voices. and look I am too lazy to type words in sentence case pchooooo.

“Ro,” he said. “You okay?”  
  
Her breath came unsteady over the phone line. “Maybe!”  
  
“You’re drunk.”  
  
“Observation of the cen-chur-ee,” she said, thick-voiced. “Ain’t I always, D?”  
  
He scooted his chair away from his computer and stared at the ceiling. “You should stop.”  
  
“Don’t wanna,” she said. “Takes the edge offa shit. I know you know how it is.”  
  
“Why are you in such a hurry to be not fifteen?”  
  
“Fifteen is a shitty age,” said Roxy. “You agree.”  
  
“Maybe,” he said.  
  
She sighed into the phone. “Like. I really wish people would like me, you know what I’m sayin’? Uh, ‘course you do. This is like, your constant state of mind, right? ‘Cept it’s just one person you care about.”  
  
“People like you,” he said.  
  
She giggled. “Yeah! No!”  
  
“I like you,” he said. Meant it.  
  
“Noooo you don’t! I mean, like like. Dirk, I am basically never, ever going to have sex,” she said, half-whispering. “Nobody likes me like that. I am just the town drunk. I am a town drunk and I am not even fuckin’ sixteen yet. How great is that? God _damn_ , I am making great use of my life.”  
  
“You should stop,” he said again.  
  
“What _ev_ er,” said Roxy. Dirk could hear her take a long drink.  
  
“Seriously,” he said. “What’s the matter? People like you. Plenty of people like you. And you’ve got time. We’ve established, you’re only fifteen. You’ve got time, Ro. Don’t waste it on bullshit.”  
  
“Too late,” she said in a mournful singsong. “Too late, already wastin’ it. Fuck, Dirk, I’m like the biggest idiot in the whole world, you know?”  
  
“No, you’re not,” he said. “There are worse.”  
  
“You let me know when you find them,” she said, in a voice half-sober, and she sighed. “Dirk, I am so far from fifteen that it almost hurts.”  
  
“It’s not all your fault,” he said. “Not really.”  
  
“Yeah, really!”  
  
“Your mom is dead,” he said. “When you don’t have parents anymore, what can you do? I know, Ro. I get it. You and me, we’re in the same boat.”  
  
“Not,” she said. “You got plenty of people who want a piece. You attractive motherfucker, you. Me? I’m gonna die alone. Of liver failure. I bet you’ll die of, like, sensory overload when someone taps dat ass. You deserve it.”  
  
“You’re so drunk,” he said.  
  
“Yeah I am!”  
  
“You’re not going to die alone,” he added. “Who wouldn’t want you, Ro? You’re gorgeous and smart and witty. One of the best bitches I’ve ever laid eyes on.”  
  
“You don’t want me,” she said, sniffling.  
  
“Ro,” he said. “Think of my circumstances.”  
  
“Fuckin’ _stupid_ circumstances,” she said. “I’ve been cryin’. Can you hear it?”  
  
“A little,” he said. Her whole voice sounded like a sob. Most of the time Ro was a crazy drunk. A couple of times, now and then, she was a sad drunk.  
  
“You ever gonna tell him?”  
  
“I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t think it would be a good idea. What we’ve got is pretty nice. I don’t want to mess it up.”  
  
“What if he already knows?”  
  
“Are you serious?”  
  
“Just a what if, Di-Stri. Think about it, right? Maybe someday you can talk it out or whateva. God, fucking shit, I need some more...” There was a scuffle on the other end. “Ha! Vic-fucking-torious.”  
  
“You’re ridiculous,” Dirk said. “I wish I could be up there with you.”  
  
“Same,” she said. “I mean, like, that you could be here. Me bein’ up here with myself, that wouldn’t do any good, right? Damn. Damn, damn, _damn_ , you should be here. Feelings jammin’ all up in this bitch. I got a pile, you know that? We could be jammin’. Fuckin’ fly up here, Dirk, okay? Hop on a plane right now.”  
  
“Wouldn’t be able to stay on the phone with you if I did that.”  
  
“Ri-ight,” Roxy said. “Fuck damn shit tits. Did you see how those last two rhymed? I’m a fucking poet, Dirk.”  
  
“You’re so drunk,” he said again.  
  
“I’m wearin’ a dress,” she said out of nowhere.  
  
“A dress?”  
  
“Yeah,” she said. “Like a dress. It’s pink and—and floofy. So goddamn floofy. I’m fallin’ down all this floof.”  
  
“Stop referencing my bro’s movies.”  
  
“I will reference Sweet Jeff all I fuckin’ want.”  
  
“That's not even one of their names.”  
  
“Fuck your couch, Di! It’s floofy, that’s my point, okay? And pink. I can floof this pink with my hand. I’m floofin’ it. Can you imagine?”  
  
“What fabric is it?”  
  
“Tulle,” she said. “Maybe? I dunno. Shit, D, you think I, like, revere Vogue or something? I’m no you.”  
  
“I don’t revere Vogue,” he said. “I don’t even read Vogue. Teen Vogue, maybe, sometimes. The Abercrombie ads can be pretty hot.”  
  
“Shitless guys,” Roxy said. “Yeah! Shirtless. You know what I mean.”  
  
“Yeah,” Dirk said. “Hey, eat something for me, would you?”  
  
“Why? I had lunch.”  
  
“It’s almost midnight where you are.”  
  
“Fuck, gotta eat dinner. I’ll go heat up some Bagel Bites or something.”  
  
“Good,” he said.  
  
“It’s late where you are, too,” she said. She was moving; Dirk could hear it. “You eat yet?”  
  
“Chinese,” he said.  
  
“Okay, cool, yeah.”  
  
“Why’re you wearing a dress?”  
  
“I wanted to,” she said. “I dunno. Found in my closet and was like, oh, wish I could go to prom with someone, gonna wear this shit and pretend I can.”  
  
“Ro,” he said. He felt like shit.  
  
“Yeah,” she said. So did she. They would feel like shit together. Share the pain. Good friends, best moirails.  
  
“My hair looks awful,” he told her.  
  
“So does mine!” she said in a squeal. “Ma-a-an, we totes should’ve video-chatted. I want to see your hair.”  
  
“No, you don’t,” he said. He got up, moved to his bathroom, looked in the mirror. “Oh, God, this looks awful. It always goes limp after an ablution. Dumb fuckin’ hair.”  
  
“Your hair is _gorg_ ,” Roxy said. “Always! Forever!”  
  
“Don’t lie to me, little bitch,” he said, running a hand through his bangs. “It won’t fucking stay up. And I have no clue where my hairspray went. Shit fuck.”  
  
“You’re pickin’ up my habit!” Roxy said. “See? Stringing together curse words makes the curse twenty thousand times more portent. Potent. This dress is really hampering my ability to get Bagel Bites.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“The skirt is too floofy and I can’t see over it!”  
  
“Are they underneath your skirt?”  
  
“Probably! I can’t fiii—oh! God damn, Bagel Bites, you fuckin’ stop hiding from me, little bastards. Got ‘em, Dirk. How long do these fuckers go in the microwave?”  
  
“Beats me. I find them disgusting.”  
  
“Of course you do, jackass,” Roxy shot. “Two minutes and fifteen seconds. Wow! Be more specific, whoever the fuck makes these. Say two minutes and twenty-three seconds. That would be soo. Fun. Jesus shit, Dirk, I am _drunk_.”  
  
“If you didn’t know that, I would be disappointed in you,” Dirk said, locating his hairspray. “You feeling okay?”  
  
“Nah,” Roxy said. “But then, when am I?” She hesitated. “When are you?”  
  
“Talking to you,” he said after a second. He held his breath, but the hairspray still filtered into his nose and mouth and he sneezed. Happened every time.  
  
“Aww,” Roxy said. “Sweet moirail.”  
  
“Talking to other people always makes me feel awful,” he said. “Jane’s sweet, but what can she do? And Bro’s dead now, anyway. And Jake. Jake, you know. Sometimes you’re the only one who gets it.”  
  
“Always the only one,” she said. “It’s cool. I totally get it, Di. I dunno what I’d do without you.”  
  
“Drink yourself to death,” he said. “Probably.”  
  
There was a moment of silence. Maybe she was mourning her microwaveable mini pizzas. That was something a drunk Lalonde might do.  
  
“Bagel Bites are ready,” she said finally. “I should go. Don’t wanna chew in your ear.”  
  
“Nah,” he said. “It’s cool. Stay on until we go to bed.”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” she said. “Hey, you going to tell him?”  
  
“I already answered this question,” he said.  
  
“Yeah, but,” she said. “Answer it for real.”  
  
“Maybe,” he said. “That’s the real answer. Don’t ask again.”  
  
She asked again, four times before she fell asleep, still on the phone, at four in the morning her time. He was proud of himself. He’d distracted her enough that she hadn’t had any more alcohol while they were talking and that was something he could be proud of.  
  
It was three AM, but he had forgotten how to sleep when his bro died. He jiggled his mouse and went back to the code, semi-satisfied with his hair and his shoosh-papping, and wished (not for the first time) that he could fall in love with Roxy Lalonde, because wouldn’t everything be so much easier if you could fall in love with the convenient person?

**Author's Note:**

> it is so hard to get their voices right god damn
> 
> wow sorry rereading this I realise how incredibly dumb it is, probably should've spent more time on it but I didn't? do I win the dumb award or what
> 
> I hope you liked it regardless? bluh


End file.
